This astrological season marks a new beginning for me, for those of you familiar with astrology then you may be familiar with the term “Saturn’s Return”. This usually happens in ones’ life every 28 years when all of the planets are aligned in the exact same position as when you are born (or something to that effect). Last year one of my elders informed me of this phase in my life at the BLU retreat in Malibu, CA. I had all but put it in the back of my mind up until I had read my horoscope and there was mention of this time frame ending. Excitedly I googled it, I haven’t done any major research but just enough to give me a gist of what this phenomenon is…..
With the death of Michael Jackson still very relevant in my mind, I made a lot of changes or just maintained some abrupt ones, which I am very blessed to have experienced. Though some of the experiences have created hardships, it is nothing that I can’t handle in comparison to the distress that I felt before they existed. I often think about how Michael Jackson gave up his entire life, every aspect of it to do what he loved – LITERALLY! I wonder if he’d do it all over again…. If so, why, I think the reasons are obvious if he chose not to.
Recently, one of my followers on Twitter committed suicide (the second one that I’ve experienced thus far in my life and I’m keeping my fingers crossed and praying that I don’t experience anymore!). Her name is Juliann “Juju” Pearson (Screen name –> @complexfemme), we never made it past introductions but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s human just like me and we were connected in some way, shape, or form in this universe. Matter-of-factly later I would learn that her birthday was the day after mine. I read my astrology book on birthdays and their symbolic meanings, looking up her birthday it said that individuals born on this day tend to be fatalistic especially when they’re in dark stages of their lives so I hope that she’s finally resting. I remember when the news of Juju passing hit me like a brick, someone had ReTweeted (RT) this message “ RIP @complexfemme” from one of her followers. Somehow I inherently knew I don’t know how, I just did. That past weekend I had been in my own dark place, avoiding all social sites because I didn’t want to be accused of running to “imaginary people” instead of my “real” friends (who happen to be on those sites as well, mind you.). I remember feeling deeply sad and lost, unable to focus due to my personal life both romantically and professionally. I couldn’t imagine anyone else residing in a similar dark place and certainly not making it out alive. I was in a hurting place so I don’t need to imagine how Juju was feeling, our difference is that Juju did reach out – on Twitter. No one was there, including me to reach back. This saddens me even more because this was originally my purpose in being on these sites, to have an outlet and to be an outlet…. I didn’t and I wasn’t, as we say on twitter – That’s an #EpicFail. My heart genuinely aches for her – still…. I will always remember her last tweet “It’s been real, see ya next lifetime” before that she posted “I just wish that I had someone to call to make me laugh.” We would’ve been on at the same time that morning because I had insomnia, I might’ve caught that post and maybe her last one wouldn’t exist because she’d still be alive but we’ll never know…. I did extensive research and gathered a lot of intel to learn about the person who I had a slight acquaintance with. Juju was on the verge of graduating college when she was called home to care for her grandmother, I also believe there were some financial issues involved. I’m assuming that coupled with the possibility that she was not ready to make that sacrifice in her life that that may have been the final straw for her. Juju wasn’t even 25, I wish that she had had the opportunity to learn that not all hardships last forever but I know how in tune us Virgos can be with our emotions so much so that it seems that we live in the extremes because when we feel something we really feel it….
I don’t want to be doomed to repeat my history so as I get older I often look back at my past to ensure that I don’t repeat the same mistakes. I haven’t mastered this methodology yet but as I move forward my future only gets brighter because of it. I stopped thinking “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!” and started thinking “When life gives you lemons don’t make some sour ass lemonade, extract the seeds and plant them creating a field of lemon trees. Cultivate and harvest the land, now you’ve got a profitable business of selling lemons which have multiple uses!” I no longer “Fake it til I make it” I work toward succeeding accomplishing my goals, actually marinating in the lessons that I learn along the way so that if I run into those “tests” I will breeze past them.
If I had to say, the most important lesson that I’ve learned thus far is that there is no success in being a professional multi-tasker. There is always something or someone that you are neglecting that is vital to either your professional life or your personal life or even worse BOTH. So, in closing the lesson that I am actively practicing is to always remember that anything that I’m trying to accomplish relies on me taking care of myself first in order for anything else to fruition!
EB N' FLOW 