The question still stands as stated in the title, there are no sexual connotations – ok, maybe a few…. Do you like who you go to bed with at night? Not just your partner but YOURSELF! Are you being honest about your desires in both aforementioned relationships?

Lying In Bed is a stage play that will explore these questions in a thought provoking manner. It is written by Cole Thomas, produced by Agenda Benda Justice and Directed by Tee Jay Johnson.

The cast and crew are requesting your help to bring this stage play to life in Atlanta, Georgia and beyond if possible. If Donations of $10.00 or more from at least 200 supporters are received by February 10, 2012  at Noon Eastern Standard Time then the play will be able to begin to go into production. Even if you are only able to give the minimum of $1.00 your support will still be appreciated!

Will you be one of the 200 supporters? It’s possible!

I DARE YOU TO GO!!!!

On December 13^th, 2011 The ground breaking – genre shattering new webisode series “Between Women” debuted their first episode! There was so much anticipation for the show that with over 3,000 viewers logging in at the same time the host site crashed and the episode had to be posted to Youtube the next day! For the most part a good portion of those viewers stuck around for the live streaming of the cast which was initially supposed to be a post show event to introduce you to the actresses who made up the cast of the show and to answer any questions that the viewers may have had.

The first episode immediately introduces us to Rhonda and Miller, brought to life through Dominique LaToy and Marisa “Dred” Carpenter in which the hot topic of marriage equality seems to play a key role in their relationship. Rhonda wants to “tie the knot” with the philandering Miller but will she get the ring or someone else? We are then introduced to Sunny charasmaticly played by Amber Jones who infuses comedy into the gender queer character who is still finding her way out of the closet and into the ladies. We Segue into meeting Brooke and Allison thrust to life by Julia “NOBLE JULZ” Hamilton and Onyx Keesha who deal with the issue of domestic violence in the LGBTQ community through their on screen roles. Insecure and jealous Brooke is determined to keep Allison through her bullying and possesive ways but will the relationship be killed by them first?  Jess, Rae, and Beautiful dynamicly brought to life by  Red Summer, Look Alive, and Shammonique Mattox are in an unlikely love triangle as Rae tries to balance her relationship with Jess while co-parenting with Beautiful. Toya LaDonna Sessoms  and Tajir Hawkins portray the roles of Winney (who is also Miller’s cousin) and Mecca, the couple built on a shakey foundation. Will they repair the cracks together to forge on stronger in the future or will they shatter all together?

All of the characters and their relationships with one another and to each other are all highly relatable and upon the release of episode two we have the opportunity to learn this as we dive further into the characters livelihoods. We open up with Mecca rummaging the fridge while on the phone sweet talking someone who is NOT Winney, will there be crossed signals or will Winney remain in the shadows of Mecca’s love life outside of her? We then join Rae showing up at Jess’ home with Beautifuls’ son in her arms asleep, an argument ensues which leads to Rae excusing herself from Jess’ home but does she really leave her life all together? Then segueing into Millers’ major event that she was planning in the last episode we then attend “Hump A Lezzy”  where Allison finds an opportunity to voice her feelings about Brookes’ insecurities in their relationship, we finally get to hear how Beautiful feels about her “love triangle” with Rae, then Winney chimes in on how she feels that ex-lovers should not be friends based off of Mecca’s claim that any female that she is corresponding with is “just a friend”! Brooke also puts her 2 cents in on the situation when Beautiful confronts her about her insecurities possibly stemming from her lack of sexual expertise… Which leads to yet another argument between her and Allison, who unexpectedly receives a phone call from a cousin who is stranded after their car breaks down and needs her assistance thus causing her to leave the event early which of course does not sit well with Brooke either and causes another quick dispute before she leaves. Of course the partying continues without her and Mecca shows up uber late in the midst of Winney telling an urban legend based off of an alcoholic beverage, which by the way she never “humped a lezzy” (let’s not forget the theme of Millers’ event…) but I  guess the liquor was flowing heavily and either everyone forgot or just didn’t care! Miller then announces her surprise to the group which is a confessional room via Reality TV style. We first hear from Beautiful who feels that Sunny is acting strangely (but pertaining to what?), Sunny admits that she is in a funk (but we still don’t know what about…), Miller admits that she’s in love with someone other than Rhonda (Are we really all that surprised?), Winney admits to having bisexual tendencies (I guess it’s safe to say that she’s not a gold star!), Mecca claims that Winney gets on her nerves (but yet and still continues to keep this facade of a relationship with her going, what’s the point?), Brooke resists the flow and instead answers her phone in which she threatens the person on the other line with physical violence and upon realizing that everyone has heard the conversation claims that it was just a bill collector (Either she has serious anger issues or something else is “iggin” her, I’m just sayin‘… Bill collectors get on my nerves too but lets be realistic for a second here!). After the event Brooke waits for Allison to arrive home in which another argument ensues about her whereabouts though she was present when Allison received the call from her cousin requesting assistance. This argument turns physically violent and the scene ends with Allison being drug into the bathroom… Rae calls Beautiful and requests to take her and her son Junior out for a movie night in which she obliges and then calls his father to make a request of her own only to get his current girlfriend on the phone which leaves a bad taste in her mouth. We leave off with Winney low key stalking a woman in the library who she is interested in with a male friend (who is presumed to be gay because I  don’t know many straight men who would go along with this little scenario.) and she confides in Miller about it but admits that she is unaware of her sexual preference…

Episode 3 opens up with Sunny calling Beautiful for advice on how to “pet her g-spot”! We then join Mecca who is treating Winney to a romantic dinner which unexpectedly gets interrupted (by what? I’m not telling… You’ve got to tune in to find out!). We Segue into the home which Miller shares with Rhonda, there is an argument already in pursuit when Rhonda confronts Miller about her lackadaisical attitude toward their relationship and when she hears what she doesn’t want to she physically attacks Miller who only uses her size to intimidate Rhonda into the reality of what the situation could be… In the meantime we join Rae and Beautiful on the first part of their movie night which begins at McDonalds and then we rejoin Rhonda and Miller back at home where Winney enters the scene (which makes me question her living arrangement because my girl came in their bedroom rockin’ a hair bonnet and loungewear and hopped up in betwixt them like she lives there, I’m just sayin‘!) talking about a date that she has to get ready for which apparently for the time being is a one sided feeling considering it is with the woman that she still has no clue about what her sexual preference is… Our last scene ends with Beautiful being the first to arrive at the home of Allison and Brooke with the rest of the gang showing up only minutes later, it seems that they were supposed to be meeting up for a reason not quite clarified. Upon entering their home all of them are greeted by a shifty Brooke, a bad odor, and a messy home. An unrecognizable noise and a non present Allison raises suspicion amongst them all and with further insistence they find her severely beaten and tied up in the bathroom. Is she dead? Find out on the next episode on Tuesday, January 24, 2012 at 9:00pm EST.

If you are interested in joining the production team or cast and are in the Atlanta, GA area:

Tag Team Studios is holding a casting call for the TV show Between Women. The show does feature lesbians, but all of the roles are not lesbian roles. Please do not reply if you are not comfortable! Must send resume & headshot to tagteamstudios@yahoo.com

*Crew Call-Interns & Non-Paid Projects

Please bring resume and sample of work highly suggested

Camera Operator, Casting Assistance, Production Sound Mixer, Cinematographer, Director of Photography, Gaffer, Film Editor, Location Manager, Production Manager, Script Supervisor, Set Designer, Make-up Artist, Cosmetologist, Costume Designer,Legal Counsel, Accountant, Graphic Design Artist

*Talent Casting Call

Girl 2 aka Jean – must be comfortable with dogs

Sasha — 21-28, African American, must be sexy!

Girl 1 – 24-30, any ethnicity

Allison’s cousin — 21-28, African American

Ramon’s wife — 24-34, African American, must be feisty!

Junior — 2-4, African American, must be light, follow directions, and be able to play dead

Girl 4 aka Stephanie — 22-28, any ethnicity, must be sexy!

Sex store clerk — 21-35, any ethnicity

Girl 5 — 21-28, any ethnicity, must be sexy

Tasha — 21-28, African American, must be sexy!

2 police officers – any age, any ethnicity,

2 EMT – any age, any ethnicity

Girl 6 — 24-30, African American, Stud/masculine female

Ramon — 25-35, African American, attractive male,

Jason — 25-35, African American, attractive male, needs to look rich and smooth

Girl 7 — 24-30, African American, Stud/masculine female

Justin – 7-11, African American

Mya – 21-30, African American, pregnant

Hospital receptionist – over 21, any ethnicity

Doctor — 35-50, any ethnicity

Chip – 24-30, African American, Stud/masculine female

D – 24-30, African American, Stud/masculine female

Beautiful’s mom – 45-55, African American

Sunny’s mom – 45-55, African American

Receptionist – over 21, any ethnicity

Dr. Jenkins – 26-35, female, any ethnicity

Brooke friend 1 – 24-30, African American, Stud/masculine female

Brooke friend 2 — 24-30, African American, Stud/masculine female

Brooke friend 3 — 24-30, African American, Stud/masculine female

News anchor — 30-35, must be well spoken, male and female

Eccentric Lady — 40-60, must be able to play eccentric

Monica — 22-30, must be sexy!

Girl 8 — 24-30, African American, Stud/masculine female

Girl 9 — 24-30, African American female

Girl 10 — 24-30, African American female

Coffee house worker — any age, any ethnicity

Pregnant woman – any age, any ethnicity

2 black men – over 21

2 white men – over 21

Girl 11 — over 21, any ethnicity

Ms. Alice – 40-55, African American, funny

3 young guys — over 21, any age, any ethnicity

Jewelry store worker – 30-50, male

Waiter at restaurant — over 21, any ethnicity

Kerri – 21-28, African American or Hispanic, must be sexy and comfortable playing a lesbian

911 Operator – over 21, any ethnicity, must be well spoken

Boss — 35-50, male, any ethnicity

Allison’s BFF — 22-30, African American female

Girl 12 — 24-30, African American, Stud/masculine female

Edward – 28-33, African American male, handsome

This astrological season marks a new beginning for me, for those of you familiar with astrology then you may be familiar with the term “Saturn’s Return”. This usually happens in ones’ life every 28 years when all of the planets are aligned in the exact same position as when you are born (or something to that effect). Last year one of my elders informed me of this phase in my life at the BLU retreat in Malibu, CA. I had all but put it in the back of my mind up until I had read my horoscope and there was mention of this time frame ending. Excitedly I googled it, I haven’t done any major research but just enough to give me a gist of what this phenomenon is…..

          With the death of Michael Jackson still very relevant in my mind, I made a lot of changes or just maintained some abrupt ones, which I am very blessed to have experienced. Though some of the experiences have created hardships, it is nothing that I can’t handle in comparison to the distress that I felt before they existed. I often think about how Michael Jackson gave up his entire life, every aspect of it to do what he loved – LITERALLY! I wonder if he’d do it all over again…. If so, why, I think the reasons are obvious if he chose not to.

          Recently, one of my followers on Twitter committed suicide (the second one that I’ve experienced thus far in my life and I’m keeping my fingers crossed and praying that I don’t experience anymore!). Her name is Juliann “Juju” Pearson (Screen name –> @complexfemme), we never made it past introductions but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s human just like me and we were connected in some way, shape, or form in this universe. Matter-of-factly later I would learn that her birthday was the day after mine. I read my astrology book on birthdays and their symbolic meanings, looking up her birthday it said that individuals born on this day tend to be fatalistic especially when they’re in dark stages of their lives so I hope that she’s finally resting. I remember when the news of Juju passing hit me like a brick, someone had ReTweeted (RT) this  message “ RIP @complexfemme” from one of her followers. Somehow I inherently knew I don’t know how, I just did. That past weekend I had been in my own dark place, avoiding all social sites because I didn’t want to be accused of running to “imaginary people” instead of my “real” friends (who happen to be on those sites as well, mind you.). I remember feeling deeply sad and lost, unable to focus due to my personal life both romantically and professionally. I couldn’t imagine anyone else residing in a similar dark place and certainly not making it out alive. I was in a hurting place so I don’t need to imagine how Juju was feeling, our difference is that Juju did reach out – on Twitter. No one was there, including me to reach back. This saddens me even more because this was originally my purpose in being on these sites, to have an outlet and to be an outlet…. I didn’t and I wasn’t, as we say on twitter – That’s an #EpicFail. My heart genuinely aches for her – still…. I will always remember her last tweet “It’s been real, see ya next lifetime” before that she posted “I just wish that I had someone to call to make me laugh.” We would’ve been on at the same time that morning because I had insomnia, I might’ve caught that post and maybe her last one wouldn’t exist because she’d still be alive but we’ll never know…. I did extensive research and gathered a lot of intel to learn about the person who I had a slight acquaintance with. Juju was on the verge of graduating college when she was called home to care for her grandmother, I also believe there were some financial issues involved. I’m assuming that coupled with the possibility that she was not ready to make that sacrifice in her life that that may have been the final straw for her. Juju wasn’t even 25, I wish that she had had the opportunity to learn that not all hardships last forever but I know how in tune us Virgos can be with our emotions so much so that it seems that we live in the extremes because when we feel something we really feel it….

          I don’t want to be doomed to repeat my history so as I get older I often look back at my past to ensure that I don’t repeat the same mistakes. I haven’t mastered this methodology yet but as I move forward my future only gets brighter because of it. I stopped thinking “If  life gives you lemons, make lemonade!” and started thinking “When life gives you lemons don’t make some sour ass lemonade, extract the seeds and plant them creating a field of lemon trees. Cultivate and harvest the land, now you’ve got a profitable business of selling lemons which have multiple uses!” I no longer “Fake it til I make it” I work toward succeeding accomplishing my goals, actually marinating in the lessons that I learn along the way so that if I run into those “tests” I will breeze past them.

If I had to say, the most important lesson that I’ve learned thus far is that there is no success in being a professional multi-tasker. There is always something or someone that you are neglecting that is vital to either your professional life or your personal life or even worse BOTH. So, in closing the lesson that I am actively practicing is to always remember that anything that I’m trying to accomplish relies on me taking care of myself first in order for anything else to fruition!

Being that I began the process of “coming out” at the tender age of 9 which would rewind us into the late 80’s/early 90’s around the time that the only images of anything queer in mainstream society was Rupaul and “the gay cancer” HIV/AIDS. Positive reflections that hinted any representation of me weren’t very accessible let alone easy to find in nature. This left me in a further state of confusion as to who I am as a person because if the society that I am a member of did not recognize me and others like me in not just a positive light, but in any light beyond the shadows of depression and disease was my life even worth living!?

In finding myself at a crossroads of sorts I began writing and becoming an active member of my community: open, queer, & proud! I am capable of utilizing many forms and genres of writing but my preference is poetry. It is my poetry which has thrust me into the limelight of my community and has made me an artist in my own write *WINK*…….

However, this blog is not about me *wink*……. Through my artistry, in a sense I am often looked upon as a voice for my community. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, appreciating, & building relationships with some of the most intelligent, beautiful, and talented women within our community and I’m taking the time to highlight their skillz:

I met Angie evans around 2005, a gorgeous woman suggested that I attend the open mic that she hosted in Long Beach, CA at Viento y Agua café every Tuesday. Angie, equally gorgeous herself and eclectic in nature had a very “R0kr chik” vibe with a great spirit and an amazing aura. Assisted by guitar she opened her show up with a Mary J. Blige cover which blew the crowd (along with me) away. Upon introduction Angie is very personable, eventually she invited me to feature at her spot in which I eagerly & happily obliged. Though we have lost touch over the years as our paths no longer cross on a regular basis with my move to Georgia and her constant touring which has brought her probably to a city close to you, I will forever cherish the memories of artistic comradery that we created…

Having been introduced to the BLU retreat (formerly sistahfest) also around 2005, I was very blessed to have met Afia Walkingtree. A professional drummer whose presence enamored all of the youth at the retreat. In this generation the word “swag” is heavily used but if you really want a formal introduction then you need to meet Afia because she will teach you what it really is through her presence. Afia, has this smooth confidence because she truly “walks to the beat of her own drum” and it is conveyed through her calm spirit and positive attitude. Through her music she offers affirming lyrics that offer healing and as a woman & a stroke survivor they are not only appreciated but needed because with all of the chaos in the world we forget:

“I am ALIVE!

I am BEAUTIFUL!

I can do anything I put my heart & mind into!”

Thank you Afia, because of you I will always remember this *SMILE*

Being an avid twitter user I was approached by J. Holloway of  USE OF FORCE ENTERTAINMENT in 2009. Upon listening to her MySpace music page an exchange between us immediately began. The track that caught my attention is titled “Queen” not a ladies anthem but an anthem for the real women in the universe. The lyrics which are savvy and witty take a defiant stand against blatant disrespect of women and the disregarding of our feelings that often take place not just on the streets but in the media as well. It also is a reminder across the board of our capabilities and stature as not just women but black women as well. Among being a great lyricist and vocalist J is also a producer and videographer to watch out for because she is definitely a force that you want to reckon with!

In 2009 when I was assisting with an online radio show I was introduced to the music of Anye Elite, an openly male gay indie artist. I immediately fell in love with his song “Love It Up” a sassy tune that declared his love for another man. A bold move in the bible belt but one that was definitely loved by me. I played tag with Anye through various social networking sites until we were able to have a quick exchange through Facebook about my appreciation of his artistry. It is not often that black gay male artist come with the type of confidence to be themselves that Anye conveys through his music.

Nefertiti A.K.A nefTUNES was also another artist that I ran into during my stint with the online radio show that I assisted. I was actually at a former associates home reviewing video from a performance of a recent feature spot that I did at Left Eyes UNI Studios which was produced by Cambridge Jenkins IV (a local artist extraordinaire himself) in which I had taken a great risk of growth on my part by exercising my lungs through singing (I have never believed that god gave me the gift of song though I love to sing but I was about to learn who he did bless with that gift…)as I watched myself bluff through pseudo confidence and belt out hooks that I designed specifically to outline certain poems I swelled up with excitement and exclaimed the self pride that I felt. Nef, standing behind me in a calm tone sharing that experience with me simply said “me too”. What an endearing moment that would be the foundation of a friendship to be pursued… Later on that evening Nef was easily convinced to share her talent with what had turned into a group of us all hanging out and being creative with one another and for eachother. She retrieved her guitar from her car, sat in a chair, strummed a few chords and then she opened her lips which led rhaspy smoke hazed vocals dripping in blues origins with a hip vibe that took us on a ride through our favorite song on the radio… After that night it would be months before I saw Nef again but I was very determined and eventually I would find out of her performance at our local Malcolm X Fest where I would make my presence known, which is easy when you’re offering your support because every bit has value and quite frankly you never know exactly who you’re networking with and how they may be able to help you. The best part of learning Nef throughout this last year has been finding out how reciprocating she can be when it comes to support which is a foundation that she set forth upon our first meeting and has remained consistent with. Nefs’ very humble nature is extremely refreshing and though I have no criticism of a non-constructive nature for her I do know that if I did that she would really think about it and take my feelings into consideration and try to understand where I was coming from. There aren’t many artist like that in the world which makes her very embraceable.

Also in 2009 while researching another indie artist that I had seen at a recent pride performance, upon landing on her MySpace page I learned of an event called MONDO HOMO which is a Queer Artist Music Festival located in Atlanta, GA. Upon going to their website I learned of a group called KIN4LIFE, I found out that they would be moderating a workshop that was perfect to help me assist in gaining focus for a project that I was embarking on for my job on the behalf of indie artist in our local area. I also found out that I could stay “in the know” by following both them and the event on twitter which I did. No further research on them had been done and I attended the events workshop eager to meet them, usually this is not my typical approach but the project I was organizing was huge and had it been allowed its success would have been the first of its kind so I was willing to accept help from any angle since I had a million ideas with no guidance from my “superiors” since I would be the first to pave the way. I had a big pseudo green light that I eventually realized was blazing red (but that’s a story for another time)……. I sat down with them and mapped out this event and as industry insiders they were able to give me insight and advice that helped me realize the direction that I wanted the project to go in if I were to be the sole organizer. What I learned during that time is that KIN4LIFE is a duo made up of 2 college educated women both named tiffany, to kill all confusion one goes by nor and the other IQ but I never questioned those pseudonyms deeper meanings. Upon graduation they found that their love for music was still strong and they came together to turn their dream into reality (well, that’s the jist of it anyway)… Nor is quite the playboi but don’t let the charm fool you and IQ is truly a lioness though quiet she maintains a striking eye catching appearance that leads you to inquire about her presence. However, neither of them are to be toyed with. Their first nature is being business women, being artists comes next. Jointly they own their own record label –> NORIQ (there goes that deeper meaning, I guess *WINK*…….) in which they manage their own artist. Being artist themselves, as a duo they compliment eachothers vocal styles very well. I would liken them to a hip-hop/rock lesbian version of Floetry but somehow I still don’t feel like that’s any type of justification for their vocal talent. They are definitely one of a kind, receiving notoriety within our community through various media outlets such as LOGO TV, Southern Voice (SOVO is an LBGT newspaper), landing the title track for the second season of The Lovers and Friends Show, etc. You may not see or hear them coming but you better get ready because they are arriving whether you like it or not!

My break out artist for 2010 is Jimmii Montana! One night a few months ago I received a text from a friend telling me to check out this chicks youtube channel, her name was interesting enough plus the refferer is a trusted source of good information so not long after I checked her out. Though Jimmi does a lot of covers twisting the lyrics to suit her and has yet to release anything original except maybe a few freestyles……. Let’s just say that I can’t wait for the mixtape! This chick is a beast on tracks that aren’t even HERS! WHO DOES $#!T LIKE THAT? Jimmii! What’s even more attention grabbing is that she covers mainstream artist work that I don’t typically support but because she kills THEIR TRACK it makes me wonder what they did when normally I wouldn’t care……. Again, I CAN NOT WAIT FOR THE MIXTAPE! I want to know what she is going to do with tracks that are her own and I want to blast them throughout my household but until then I’ll enjoy her recent feature in IKONS magazine!

For the most part please notice that I did not mention age or education levels throughout their profiles because they all vary. These women (and Anye *SMILE*) recognized the passions of their dreams and worked diligently to turn them into reality, some of them are still in the process as you read this. Please support them by visiting the links that I provide on their behalf and enjoy the music as well because just as much as it is for them, it is for you too……. ~Thank you!

In light of my recent blog about Donnie McClurkin, I’ve been getting a lot of feedback and the icing on the cake was a [former] friend of mine claiming that she was converting to heterosexuality. First, let me say this before I even go deep into this subject: [WARNING: THIS IS NOT A DISCLAIMER IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM!!!] As I’ve gotten older I have begun to question the existence of homosexuality as gender becomes so fluid. Personally, I’ll answer to any gender terminology as long as it’s respectful. Now, I have female friends who own more masculine identities who sometimes prefer to be acknowledged as such and even when they don’t I tend to do so anyway. Also I have male friends who carry themselves in a more feminine manner and they either prefer to be acknowledged as such or tend to be regardless of their preference. Then there are my transgender friends, some I’ve known since pre-transition and some post transition and I treat them no different because we are all human at the end of the day. Quite frankly, my personal motto is: “Everyone is gay until proven straight!”

        With that being said, I’ll approach this subject as most people do believing that there are alternative “sexual” lifestyles and not acknowledging how gender roles and expressions are up for question… If someone is genuinely homosexual whether it be gay, lesbian, or bisexual they will approach relationships with the gender that they prefer to build romantic relationships with and just like their heterosexual comrades they will court/date them to learn if that person is someone who they can build their life with. Also with that territory comes sexual relations between both consenting adults. Personally, I don’t believe that the act makes anyone “gay” (or even “straight” for that matter) but yet the intent behind it. There are people who experiment with the “lifestyle” this is what the “Q” in LGBTQ originally stood for – “Questioning” but some of us have adapted it to mean “Queer” (I am one of those people). Our “questioning” comrades have been known to be in “the life” build friendships and have relationships within the community and then one day decide for whatever reason that it’s not for them. Some have remained allies but others get so “holier than thou” that they openly discuss their disdain for “us” and our “lifestyle”. First, let me say this – no one “decides” to be ostracized from their communities and families because they love differently, I say love because as hard as it may be to conceptualize for some people it just really isn’t all about the sexual act for us! This is where I will discuss three incidents that are relative to me:

        CASE #1: My first girlfriend (in my adulthood) identifies herself as a straight woman and did so throughout our whole 2yr relationship and continues to do so even though she has tried to re-approach our relationship a number of times. I loved this woman thoroughly and would have spent my life with her but she could not commit to who she is (or was) so therefore even though we discussed it many times it would never come to fruition without her making any moves toward self-commitment. She has also had other relationships with other women but yet and still does not acknowledge her “homosexual” ways openly. Dangerous territory, if you ask me…

        CASE #2: My [former] college friend who had a live in girlfriend when I met her and was screaming rainbows throughout our friendship recently informed me that she was converting to heterosexuality. Now, quite frankly I take no issue with whom people prefer to build their lives with as that has nothing to do with me. It was her “religious” stand point on the issue that bothered me as I had known her for years and she never even mentioned having a relationship with [any] God, on top of the fact that I often spent the night at her house over the weekends so that I could get to my own church easier as it was just around the corner from her place of residence and she never took me up on the offer to join me… While that is neither here nor there at this point it does cause me to question many aspects of our friendship if that was indeed what we genuinely had. I tried to converse with her in order to understand her point of view on the situation but she honestly didn’t make any sense. She had gone through some trials and tribulations with a former partner of mine and fell in love with someone who did not share the feeling mutually with her. Eventually she claimed that her lesbianism was the direct cause of her anger. I openly laughed at the blasphemous statement as another “converted” friend of hers jumped into our conversation and spoke ill of me for not being “straight” which was also laced with religious rhetoric. All in all I grew tired of trying to understand someone who I felt only meant to harm me because I questioned her decision to go in a direction that was seemingly unnatural to her existence, que sera…

        CASE #3: I was just recently informed that a distant acquaintance of mine “converted to heterosexuality” after being a lesbian for most of her young adult life. The decision has something to do with her somewhat religious upbringing and since I really don’t know her well all I can do is wish her luck in her endeavors.

        I can tell you this about homosexuality that I know every gay person that I know, including the ones that I don’t would agree upon: No one would ever choose to live a life that would cause them to possibly be disowned by their families, ostracized from their communities with the potential of never knowing what it is to be a family. As it stands it is still against the law for us to get married in many states and though we are recognized in others it is not mandatory for that recognition to be upheld throughout all 50 of these un-United States of America. It’s even saddening for me to try to understand why I need a law to protect my union with another consenting adult regardless of their gender but I do know that this is the world in which I live in….

      While I proudly live my life as an open lesbian being I can totally understand why someone would choose to “convert to heterosexuality”. There is a lot of pressure on the gay community to conform to societal standards based off of gender stereotypes. Hate crimes and suicide are the leading cause of death of many members within our community. Sometimes the suicide is a direct effect of an experienced hate crime (or multiple as we are never subject to just one in our lifetime). This is not a pity party just basic facts that most people often overlook. The ordeal many gay people face when it comes to religion can be rather traumatizing in and of itself, I personally have been blessed to be inexperienced in this area but don’t let my somewhat liberal background fool you as it has taken my family 20yrs just to realize that THIS IS NOT A PHASE!

        Recently I was at an event called “Lez Talk” hosted by a group called “Lesbos Are mad” here in Atlanta, GA. The hostess invited her mother to come speak to us to help her gain a better understanding of her daughter. This woman spoke of having concern for her daughters’ spiritual well being and asked us all (who felt comfortable answering) what we would say if God was standing before us… God is a sore subject for a lot of people in the Gay community because we have been biblicly beaten by religious zealots, some our own flesh and blood. Yes, there was a lot of answering around her question and testimonials of some sort. I do remember her question being answered directly but unfortunately I don’t remember any specifics. The lyrics of india.aries’ song “Video” played in my head, specificly this particular verse:

“When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me

Every freckle on my face is where it’s supposed to be

And I know our creator didn’t make no mistakes on me

My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes;

I’m lovin’ what I see…….”

And this is exactly how I feel about it regardless of anyone elses perception of me. If you’re so concerned about any impending damnation on my soul (or anyone elses for that matter) I suggest that in love that you get down on bended knees and go deep in prayer on my behalf. It would be much more appreciated than hearing the same misinterpreted Bible scriptures verbally beaten into our brains incessantly.

        In conclusion, everyone is entitled to live their life loving in the manner that is natural to them. I have always loved women, I have also loved men (just as passionately and intensely as any Same Gender Loving relationship that I’ve been in) the difference being my intent. I would not be able to commit my life to any man completely because I genuinely love women , bottom line – no special extravagant explanation, just my plain Gods honest truth that I live with. I don’t seek tolerance from anyone but I do hope to gain acceptance by helping people understand who I am, in turn my community shall benefit from my efforts. I love no one any less if they decide that being gay is not for them, I of all people understand but to quote Albert Einstein “If you can’t explain it simply then you don’t understand it completely…”

        Lastly, in direct conflict of my last sentence – no one owes anyone an explanation but if at some point we don’t confidently speak the truths that we live daily we won’t ever see Martin Luther King Jrs  “Dream” fruition into reality:

“I have a dream that my four children will one day

live in a nation where they will not be judged by the

color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

2010 has arrived, It’s a new decade beginning with a leap year and our first black president (must we be politically correct with “African American”, lord knows at the end of the day none of us can truly be defined by just our melanin alone…). The first day ended in a “blue moon” and for those of you who are not familiar with the term, don’t feel bad I always thought it was slang too! This term simply means that there was an extra full moon in the year, it was a real gorgeous sight even though I thought aliens were going to jump right out of it since its approach was so sudden and huge -– literally!

With all of these changes occurring at one time, it makes sense that folks would want to follow tradition and make “New Year resolutions”. Personally I ended this little game which breeds procrastination some years ago because I realized that I made a lot of false promises to myself and I never seemed to follow through on anything. Having a strong belief in numerology certainly doesn’t help but I’ve learned to counter this. Now, as soon as I realize that I’d like to make a change with something in my life I start taking action to make it happen.

Prime example:

 Last year I was becoming increasingly unhappy with my job. For the record I’d like to say that it was not the company that I disliked but many of the people that I worked “under” and quite a few that I worked with for various reasons, all of them stemming from a lack of respect either just by me or mutually.

Being the emotional person that I am it was very hard for me to hide my feelings, and relationships were getting harder for me to maintain. I don’t lie well and I felt that was a character trait that they were trying to force upon me, on top of them encouraging me to be innovative only for them to waste my time organizing my ideas for them just to get the run around and no follow through from them on their part.

I’m very loyal and had been with the company since I moved to GA, I even helped them establish themselves in their new location. For 3yrs I went through various dramatic and traumatic situations that involved many employees from the bottom to the top of the corporate rankings. I knew that it was just a matter of time before my number would arrive and decided that my next job would have to be a work-from-home gig.

The decision was made and now it was time to act on it. I already have a space in my home which is a second bedroom that I have called my office from the time that I moved in. With my income taxes I purchased my first PC and gradually I brought my computer desk, chair, and printer.

Throughout the year I looked on & off for new employment. During this time my company was making decisions to change how they reached their customers, this included involving social media, mainly twitter. Their employees had full “dibs” on this opportunity. Honestly, a friend already had me addicted and probably saved my sanity through it. Immediately upon the announcement of this opportunity I jumped on it since I was already sneaking on through my mobile app (cell phone) throughout the day. I had the time of my life and was enjoying my job even more. I remember sitting at my desk and saying that I wished that I could get paid to do it all day because I would! This is when I caught the most crap from my superiors… I even had one tell me that all I knew how to do was “twitter”, though my numbers proved differently! Back to the drawing board…

My personal health was also getting pretty bad, between the emotional stress and the sometimes 2-3hr train ride back and forth to work I was barely able to hold it together. My doctor approved intermittent FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) was denied. Despite this, even when I was sick I came in and covered my department. Around this time one girl quit and my other 2 coworkers transferred to the same department so it just left me. I had sick time but when I tried to use it my superiors denied it and FIRED me! I don’t regret it, as a stroke survivor myself my health will always come first…

I could’ve fought their decision and won but I was literally and genuinely SICK of working with people who showed no respect for my work ethic though it affected theirs positively. Unbeknownst to me, my family which our relationship has been extremely strained for the past 2.5yrs actually worked together to keep me off of the streets. My rent was paid, fridge & cabinets were stocked better than when I was working! My bills only suffered slightly as I looked for a new job.

When I first moved to GA I got caught up in a money laundering scheme through a job offer on MONSTER so I was skeptical about using this sites services. Some years ago, one of my good friends told me about her job with the psychic network which she found through Craigslist. Well, I certainly wanted to have a fun job like that so Craigslist would be my main hunting ground! My family wasn’t harping over me finding a job but as a 28yr old woman who lives a full life in another state I knew that it was my responsibility and NOT theirs… especially since they were paying double when they had their own lives to live!

Even though it became frustrating, I went hard and applied for EVERYTHING I was interested in, even if I didn’t meet the “qualifications” for it nor had the “experience” to do it. This also includes the job that I have now, which I found 3 weeks after being fired (which was actually a complete liberation in my opinion). I found it in the Marketing/Public Relations section, there was a short on line test to figure out if I had the adequate knowledge needed to perform the job which I knew I would pass. This job is in Social Media and as an avid user of Twitter and Facebook, I knew I was good for it! I did pass and I was asked to provide my information so they could get back to me, which of course I did. Within the next day or so I was able to set up an interview through email for the following week. The interview process was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and those that interviewed me could have won Oscars for the poker faces that they gave me! A few days later I was called and told that I had the job, I felt like I won the lottery!

It is not to go without say that we haven’t met any obstacles in our professional relationship as they are expected since there is nothing perfect in life. I do work at home, I have more control of my time, and learning who you work with though your contact with them is minimal is a process like any other.

On a personal note, the emotional stress that I endured last year I am certainly uninterested in repeating ever again. I don’t expect much if anything from my friends, quite a few if not many of whom have endured some trying times with me regardless of the miles between us. If I call you my friend there is a mutual responsibility for us to nurture, accept, and support who we are completely within our species. If at any point one of us breaks this non verbal contract on a habitual basis we are up for question and possible elimination from the others life. Explanation is not required because most lessons in life lack verbal direction anyway….

STOP RESOLVING TO CREATE CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE!! DECIDE IT, PLAN IT, DO IT!!!!!

For many years I have always suspected Donnie McClurkin and Tonex who both have strong presences in the gospel entertainment industry as being a part of the LGBT community as well. I never actively seeked confirmation for this hunch of mine because it lacked importance to me, if they were it was there business until they made it mine. I remember the first time that I heard Tonex sing, I was at the Crystal Cathedrals’ gift shop in Anaheim, CA after a rehabilitation session at the Kaiser Permanente out-patient center for the stroke I had just had. Immediately after viewing a demo compilation DVD of him and a few other gospel artist I brought his first CD aptly self titled which I absolutely loved, so much so that I purchased his second album immediately thereafter which the title escapes me……. I played his second album just once, that was all it took for me to feel his self hatred trying to engulf my spirit. I believe it was the second track where he sings “What is this I’m seeing, two girls kissing…” quite frankly, even in 2009 being homosexual is still largely taboo though this was at least 5yrs prior (which means that it was absolutely no better). Take into account when the lyrics were written which I made sure were by him because I refused to believe that he wrote the lyrics he was singing since I had a sneaking suspicion that he himself were gay, unfortunately I was proved wrong and my heart was broken and I would discontinue supporting his musical movement. I felt that he was doing what most gay people do when they are fighting their true selves, they put down the very community that will embrace them the most – and he was doing it rather publicly. Maybe this was guise that the music industry had put into action to throw off the media and the public from his non- traditional gospel music artist image and he was just following along, either way his actions were hurtful. This I could not accept in my life especially since in that time period (and probably still now today) you will not witness intimacy between two homosexual people unless you are in an environment that accepts them for who they are and our images are not very common on day time or even evening television, movies primarily aimed at us can not be found very easily in your local theatres and when they come out on DVD local retail chains aren’t advertising it as part of their product line. So for him to be able to witness “two girls kissing” one had to wonder where he was at and what he was doing to come across this sight…….

            I have since reconciled my musical relationship with Tonex due to my own personal growth and I brought his new CD released on a different label (which also speaks volumes to me) titled “unspoken”. I am very pleased with the content especially track 5 titled “Blend” which speaks of growth on his part: “Do you really wanna be like them? / Do you really wanna act like them? / Do you really wanna sound like them? / Why do you try so hard to blend…” (A.Williams). While I love the whole CD, those lyrics really speak to me!

            Recently Donnie McClurkin, in his own bout of self denial outed Tonex (who now goes by TON3X possibly due to his previous record label owning rights to his name or perhaps his way of wiping the slate clean, either way please keep in mind that this is my personal speculation.) to those of us who pay no mind to the media frenzies that often smear celebrities name and character through black lists for years to come… During  a sermon Donnie broke down and admitted that he had been saved from a life of homosexuality, going on to reveal that he had lost his virginity to an Uncle (who obviously committed incest and scribed scars into this man’s psyche that still have yet to heal) and how other people who are homosexual are confused and can be saved from it . While I appreciate the insight that he gave us into his personal life, it was heartbreaking to listen to him place blame on his past for who he is. Everyone knows what makes them comfortable in their own life and they make decisions based off of that, and quite frankly at least half of the gay community can testify to some type of sexual abuse occurring in their life at some point. What say you about the other half who can’t? For me it was almost like experiencing déjà vu when watching the youtube version of his testimony and my heart ached for every gay person that sat in that audience listening to him spill his shattered soul like shards of glass against their spirit, they didn’t deserve that. When you lack spiritual strength you can be left affected by actions like that. I’m honestly disappointed in Donnie, especially since he disrespected TON3X. Since he’s gay (and he may deny this all he likes which is his prerogative, but like him I am entitled to my opinion.) he knows all too well the emotional struggle that the homosexual community goes through to find internal and external acceptance and peace, why he would compromise anyone’s journey including his own is beyond me. Our journeys are sacred and powerful to our history and we shouldn’t be ashamed or made to feel ashamed of it. Yes, there are things in our community that I’m often confused by and just plain don’t understand but in remembering my own journey I know that our paths are not going to be parallel all the time. My greatest concern lies in the moment that he reaches self acceptance and finds a way to embrace the truth about himself. He will then have to face the time he’s invested in others “ministering” to them about their “confusion”, perhaps that will be his most powerful testimony of all but at what cost?

In typing all of this I must impress upon you that in no way am I angry with the decision that Donnie McClurkin made. I am honestly concerned for the emotional well being of the [southern] black gay community as we are damaged enough by the many “religious” sects that have denied us, and this public outcry has only given further concrete pseudo confirmation of an ancient belief drenched in archaic religious rhetoric that we as a people are an abomination. This also offers tools to continue to ostracize us from our core communities which only create more obstacles for us in our journeys. This is heartbreaking because it all derives from a member of our own community whether he accepts it or not, he is a part of us because at the end of the day we are all of one accord. Gay/straight/bisexual/transgender/intersex/hermaphrodite and many of us all believe in the same God, some only rejecting this God because of human interpretation that lacked comprehension…

I remember being in Bible study at a very young age and upsetting one of the older girls during play time because I was staring at her, I don’t remember particularly finding her attractive but there were things that were attractive about her… Specifically, her legs! She actually wanted to fight me but I was so confused by the whole situation that my older sister ended up intervening in the situation and bailing me out saying that I did that all of the time (though I have no recollection of this). When I was on the playground in Elementary all of the other girls were talking about the boys that they thought were cute and when they asked me I had to think hard about my response because I was initially going through my mind figuring out which one of THEM that I thought was the most attractive! I did have one male playmate that I would sneak off with during reading time to go play in our recreation area in the classroom, it was a kitchen set up but there was no gender role playing. We were just two friends who found something better to do with our time other than pay attention to our teacher. On one occasion I decided to kiss him on the cheek and then another male classmate within the same day to see if it would excite me any, it didn’t work and he and I never played together again.

       By time I was 9yrs old my sister teased me because my favorite artist were Michael Jackson, George Michael, and Milli Vanilli… She always claimed that they were gay and eventually she began calling me “Gay Lord”. In my young mind I felt that I had finally found a name for what I was but with the tone that she said it in I immediately knew that it was something I wasn’t supposed to be proud of but nonetheless I felt very relieved. Guilt started consuming me as the teasing persisted even though my father told her to stop. There was no one that I could talk to or identify with as my pleading eyes begged to see my reflection on the TV that needed pliers just to work. Eventually, there was one show which the title escapes me as it’s been nearly 20yrs since it was in syndication. It was about a women’s prison and my eyes were glued every night it aired waiting for the writers of the show to give two of the female cast members more freedom in their roles to act on their light flirtation with one another. Shortly after that happened it was cancelled and no other network picked it up, though I did notice one of the main characters would go on to have big screen fame and would appear in a few soap operas for extended periods but her name escapes me as well. Due to this strong lack of representation I often was confused about my gender, believing that I had been born in the wrong body because I was attracted to the same sex. One night after watching Howard Sterns’ late night show in my parents’ bedroom where he asked a scantily clad playmate in a red plaid uniform skirt barely touching her thighs, stripper heels, and breast spilling out over her blouse to jump up and down – I undoubtedly knew the truth about myself. I already felt like I walked around with this sign on my forehead that read “Hi, I’m Gay” so I took a pen to my parents bedroom wall and wrote: “Mommy, daddy help me. I like women” I had done it low enough to use one of their pillows to cover it up afterwards. I can’t tell you exactly how long it took for them to find it because I was a nervous wreck that entire night; however I can say that it was longer than a week. Upon the discovery my father exploded solely because someone wrote on the wall, tyrantly demanding to know “Who wrote on the wall?” never addressing the content of the sentence even when I admitted that I wrote it. Later, he would blame my mother for taking me to an Indian place of spiritual enlightenment called a “Dojo” where he felt that I had been influenced. No one ever had a full conversation with me regarding what I wrote on the wall other than talking amongst themselves saying various hurtful things without any regard for my feelings.

       Middle school became trying when I became extremely fond of a mysterious Latina who had a rich dark exotic nature. We had one class together, physical education. She never wore our uniform which was blue sweats and a white t-shirt, always something form fitting which was usually jeans and a tube top. Some of the best hours spent were walking with her around our baseball field. Around this time kids started spreading rumors about each other having AIDS, upon defending people inflicted with the disease I got accused of having it myself. AIDS being pegged the “gay cancer” made me panic, I felt that my secret was out and I began gay bashing one of my more masculine identified female teachers in order to fit in. I tried to like boys but my household wasn’t conducive to this feeling, so I taught myself to find things in guys that I found attractive in females…. Long hair, gorgeous eyes, nice legs, straight teeth, dark brown skin, big round gluteus maximus, athletic build, etc. eventually I was able to build up an attraction to guys but I wouldn’t consider it to be like “second nature”. This is not to take away from any of my relationships with the guys that I’ve dated, though most new my true feelings because my mantra was always “You won’t ever have to worry about me cheating on you with another guy, its females you need to worry about!”

       In high school 90% of the guys I liked were gay or “feminine” in their mannerisms, eventually I found myself attracted to a transgender friend (male to female). She was gorgeous and reminded me of my friend in middle school, also Latina (but that young lady was not transgender to my knowledge). With this revelation I decided to begin accepting my true feelings for females, by the age of 16 my high school had began a transition program for kids that lived in a group home for those who were otherwise homeless solely because their parents couldn’t accept their “alternative” lifestyles. The birth of “Project 10” an hour weekly session for kids who identified as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning (LGBTQ) was lead by an openly gay male teacher in order for us to discuss our trials and tribulations. The “Q” was eventually dropped from the program because we often had up to 50 students who were more than likely our friends trying to get a “free pass” out of class, this made our core group no more than 15 students. During this time my close circle of friends began to change and those around me questioned my choices: “You know ___ is gay and everyone else is gonna think you are too?” in which my response would vary between: “And?”  “So?”  “Good, because I am!” “Why should I care?” This was a luxury considering what some of my other friends went through, One of my transgender friends (not the same one, but also male to female Latina)had to leave all of her classes 15minutes early as a precautionary method to ensure that she made it to her next class safely, another Latino friend who was a “raver” was often showered with homophobic slurs while walking the campus, though I would yell back “Fuck you!” or “Shut the fuck up!” in his honor he would tell me to just ignore them. I feel that no one should ever get used to being discriminated against, it is not a way of life! Most importantly he was my friend and friends stick together! The one rare time my father actually came to my school none of my new found friends were visible anywhere, it was like by some force of nature they were all stuffed in the janitors closet or something. I guess from every session of “Project 10” they knew that school was our safe place to be ourselves instead of at home…Also in this very same year a long lost cousin would arrive for a visit to reconnect with our family, she would confide in me that she was sick of the way guys treated her and was thinking about being with women in which I informed her that nothing would change in her relationships regardless of which gender she chose if she didn’t start choosing better people for her life and demand to be treated better by them and that I knew this through experience. She had a strained relationship with her older sister who got along better with my older sister who I didn’t get along with, which didn’t bother me because I was used to it. However for my cousin, who just got reinvolved in our family this was hard for her to accept and she would prove that she was willing to do anything to be in their good graces. One day, my sister came in my room (which she NEVER did!)to ask to borrow some nail polish… With her head stuck in the door which she slightly opened herself, her eyes panned my room and then she stepped in! I thought nothing of it, at the time my room was decorated with condoms all over the wall (though I wouldn’t lose my virginity until I turned 18 – true story, maybe later!)and various celebrity pictures, one in particular caught her eye: A picture of Marilyn Manson from his “Beautiful People” video (this is when he looked very Trans/androgynous, very controversial at the time – year ’97 I believe.)that my friend gave me before he transferred schools; I still LOVE that picture to this day! My sister then took me to her room to discuss it, I honestly don’t remember that conversation in any type of detail, and I just remember that it was emotional because we did discuss molestation and incest in that conversation. However, I did make it clear that I knew where she got her leading information from, she told me not to be mad at my cousin and I told her I wasn’t… Not for leading my second outing anyway, I was more so disgusted with that fact that our relationship seemed disposable for an opportunity to gain attention from 2 people who ordinarily could care less about her existence at the time. This isn’t a quality I admire in my friends let alone my own family! I haven’t spoken to her since.

       Throughout high school I primarily dated guys and had a few girlfriends. I even had a high school sweetheart who was probably one of the first people in my life to know that I had a proclivity for females which we discussed in great detail on many occasions. We even worked our “marriage” out so that I could continue to have relationships with females, unfortunately ours didn’t last a year but would pick back up throughout the relationship that he would have with the woman(an ex friend of mine) he would go on to marry and would continue throughout his marriage to her (for the record I always knew that I was one of many, just as he was… but our affair was one of the heart not of the body).Our relationship would end with him telling me that he would not leave his wife until his recently born daughter turned 13yrs old despite the fact that he himself was unhappy! I thought about what my life could be in 13yrs if I gave it the opportunity, surprisingly I didn’t “mourn” the “loss” of this relationship and moved forward. I would meet the woman who I would have my first adult lesbian relationship with shortly thereafter which would last 2yrs on & off. My high school sweetheart would try to make a comeback a couple of months later; he had a near death experience at a shooting range where the guy next to him committed suicide. Unfortunately it was too late; previously I was willing to make sacrifices that he couldn’t match. So like him, I began to live my life and that would be the last time that I would have to “Come out” to my family.   

A great majority of us grew up watching Michael Jackson blossom into the great success that he is (even posthumously). We watched as his melanin faded, his hair went from nappy to bone strait, nose went from broad to slender… But what did not change and only got better with time was his musical talent. Some would argue that his father Joseph Jackson is the driving force to his success, while others would say that he is the one that “ruined” him. However, either way it goes there is not one person who has not been affected by Michaels’ existence unless they’ve been living under ground. Even if you never picked up any of the numerous CDs that he has been involved in throughout his career spanning 40yrs+, he has inspired a generation of artists (singers, songwriters, producers, and artist of all mediums) and been the butt of many comedians’ jokes. Michael broke barriers and opened doors to opportunities that did not exist for entertainers of “color”.

Unfortunately Michaels’ accomplishments have been overshadowed by his seemingly drastic physical transformations and ill-proved accusations of child molestation. The media came up with the epithet “Wacko Jacko” that has haunted him for at least half of his career and only aided many smear campaigns against him. Michael has successfully reached many goals, some which he may not have even intended to. Despite this fact he could not change his heritage which more than likely proved to be his greatest obstacle throughout his career, being a black man.

Michael grew up in an era when white male dominance strongly existed. Racism wasn’t just a distant memory (and still isn’t). He was thrust into the music industry when he was a child all but leaving behind his education unbeknownst to anyone that he was actually beginning his career. Yes, he had his family to lean on but there is evidence that the ties that bind weren’t as strong as he needed them to be. Michael took the lead in a singing group with his brothers (The Jackson 5). Of the youngest there really was no one for him to relate to and then as they got older “creative control” of the product that they were marketing became an issue as well as group management. By the time he was 18 he was involved in making decisions that controlled the financial future of not just himself as an individual, but also affected his entire family.

Eventually Michael chose to move forward into a solo career that led to him becoming an international superstar. He probably invented “the cross-over” plateau that so many artist hope to reach in their career, defining the genre “Pop” and owning it! Radio and music television could not deny the mass appeal that Michael had to the universe and gradually through his talent he broke racial barriers for future artist to come. Michael didn’t just impact the world on a musical level but on a financial level as well. What we did for him, he did for us ten-fold. Made evident through the “Guinness Book of World Records” when Michael was documented as being the most charitable artist in the universe (so I take this time to THANK all those who purchased Michael Jackson paraphernalia during this time, THANK YOU!)

Going into his adult years Michael became a media spectacle that would not be respected. Those he shared his life with on a very genuine level would betray his trust and damage his spirit. Everyone from family, friends, fans, nay-sayers, media personalities, paparazzi, and the like have all speculated on what would have been the “right” way for him to live his life yet have had none of his experiences nor have any of his expertise. Most of us can’t even live our own lives properly yet we feel that we have the expertise to manage someone else’s life; We really need to get a grip. We can’t even manage the thousands that go through our checkbooks how could we ever manage the millions that went through his. Hindsight is always 20/20; Please have the foresight to allow this man to R.I.P. Spend your time speculating on how you can make your life better and not on what he did wrong or where he went wrong. We must all have our individual experiences that allow us to blossom into the imperfect human beings that we are!!!!!!!  –> A SILENT MOMENT PLEASE…….    

As of August 24, 2009 Michael Jackson’s death was ruled a homicide (1 day shy of the 2month anniversary of his death). He was under the influence of multiple sedatives administered by a doctor he hired to care for him. The extreme liberal in me wonders why as a resident of California he was not prescribed medicinal marijuana. I feel that it is a much healthier alternative to many of the drugs prescribed by any doctor in which most have near fatal side effects such as blood clots, stroke, heart attack, and a host of others issues that if you’re not strong enough to bounce back from make you wish that you were dead anyway!

      In light of his death I also feel that us fans are being financially exploited, magazines that once couldn’t even get an authorized cover from Michael Jackson are doing full memorial spreads and charging TWICE THE PRICE! Venues where Michael Jackson paraphernalia couldn’t even be found have an over flow of his product available at unreasonable prices, not to mention the music stores that didn’t have any real variety of Michaels’ music not only offer a wide array now but have also jacked up the prices to high hell! Everyone is trying to get a piece of the peripheral pie but weren’t even interested in it until he died!

      Yes, I’m complaining! When Michael needed your support, where were you? Huddled up in your pow wows talking amongst yourselves about his “guilt”, talkin crap about how you liked him when he was “black” as if he could change his DNA. I’m not inspired by or appreciative of your change of heart. All of a sudden you care…. Everyone wanted to speculate about how he should live his life yet none of you could ever walk a day in his shoes or empathize with his plight yet you felt that you had a right to judge him. I’m not thrilled!